I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize