Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
