Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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