Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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