ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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