At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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