If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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