I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
