I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
