none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
