it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
