I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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