I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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