Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
