return my video game
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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