I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
