He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
