I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
