I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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