He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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