3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
