im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
