there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if only i could text you this smell
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
