I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize