And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i now understand why vodka
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
