well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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