When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
