i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
