it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
