areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
