so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Text me some of your sweat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
