Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
