She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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