well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
