Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
