Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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