HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
