u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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