marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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