So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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