Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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