i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
