dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
