from now on my penis is your penis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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