I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
