how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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