just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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