In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
