I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
