its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
