She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
