Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
