the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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