I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
