K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
