New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
