I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
