My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
