I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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