He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
