I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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