If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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