We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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