listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
