you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
