the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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